I met this super nice and handsome guy from medicine and have been together for 2 year plus. He is really sweet, respectful, responsible etc (unlike douchebag and player from previous relationship) and I really feel we are meant for each other.
Recently we thought of doing it but I am super scared because I’m not a virgin. I admit I was a terrible person in the past. I lost my virginity to someone I don’t even know cos I’m drunk in a club. After that, I had a few ONS cos I’m lonely and guys in club are good in smooth talks and I got tricked into thinking they really love me.
Initially I thought guys in this era shouldn’t mind it already, but after reading #40822, I am dam worried. My bf is really a noble and responsible guy with ethics. Unlike all the players I met, he actually restrained his sexual desire at night during our holiday because he thought I’m not ready for it.
Now that we are ready to do it, i came across this post #40822 and sudddnly I feel so worried about it that I don’t feel like doing it anymore. I had never tell my bf my past actions because I’m scared I will lose him. He also didn’t ask me before so I feel it’s ok. But on the other hand, I also feel bad for hiding all these issues because not revealing everything is sort of lying. But I really cannot lose him!! It is even worse given that he studies medicine and I’m scared he can tell I’m not a virgin using his anatomy textbook. But I can’t possibly hide forever and don’t have sex for whole life right? I really want kids with him next time..
Sorry that my ideas are all over the place. I think I’m falling into a depression soon with all these thoughts. Sometimes I feel I’m tainted and don’t deserve him in the first place. Any advice please? Please be kind 🙁