I told myself growing up, that things will get better. While I want to still believe that, having turned 23 recently, I don’t know how long further I can believe in that. Just been really bad few days, and I guess finishing an assignment gave me enough free time to feel everything again.
Seeing people 21st birthday celebrations reminded me how no one outside my family has remembered my birthday ever.
On a similar note, all the midnight birthday celebrations just add onto how it sucks knowing other people have twenty over people celebrating for them when I can’t even get a text from my friends.
Seeing people send their friends off for exchange just further reminds me, that if I could even go on exchange (problem of switching majors, sigh), no one would bother seeing me off.
Having photos of people in their cliques during college events, just further reminds me that no one likes me enough to be part of their group.
I also feel like a huge hypocrite at the end of the day. I want everyone to promote a culture of love and caring, but I hate almost everything about myself.
I strongly believe in sharing about our struggles and taking pride in everything we have been through, but I’m too afraid to tell anyone about how I’ve recently gone off taking anti-depressants (yes, I consulted a psychiatrist) and its side effects are kicking my ass big time.
And sigh, it’s almost 3am. Guess tomorrow won’t be productive either.