During my teenage years, I was diagnosed with depression. I think of killing myself nearly everyday. Each night I would just couldn’t sleep with a pillow absorbing my tears and I would wish that God would just take me again or let the bed consume me so I could disappear. I would wake with dried tears on my face and feel frustrated that I was alive.
On many times, I took a lift to a high rise building walked to the roof to commit sucide, or held a knife to my own wrist or heart but then on every occasion I was just too scared to follow though it.
Voices in my head would than jeer at me for being a coward call me names and told me its will over and done with once you just do it!
Due to my condition I have to see doctor regular and take medication. As my family is not well to do, it quite a cost for my family to bear. That where my mom started to blame and scold that I was the bane to the family. I was the one that being a burden and she wish she haven’t given birth to me. This made me realise that the one that suppose to give me support and comfort is the one that destroying me.
I just want to be normal but can I?