I’ve come to the realization that almost everything that bothers me about my breakup or makes it hard to move on during the breakup is based on my ego, my fear of getting it hurt, my desire to build it up, or break down my ex’s ego.
I’ve found that since I found out my ex is dating a new guy (or very close to it), I have had fewer days of sadness come over me, mostly because I outright unfollowed them/deleted them on every social media thing I used to follow them on. However, of course, their information is going to eventually get to me through one way or another because of social media’s habit of showing you everything friends-of-friends are doing.
And the most annoying part of all of this is my desire to “win” the breakup. Every time I see her out having fun with people, specifically her new man-friend, I feel challenged to go out and have MORE fun or to hang out with MORE girls or HOTTER girls.
And of course whenever I see this one mutual friend we had who used to hang out with me and my ex all the time when we were together liking/favoriting/sharing everything from those two, and completely ignoring things I post altogether, and actually just ignoring texts I send, I get nostalgic/sad about what was, all because my ego feels that I should have something better than what I have right now.
Now of course, I suppose it’s natural that seeing my ex having more fun with a new guy than I had with her would make any guy upset/sad. But that’s unfortunately not comforting enough for me. Nor is the fact that she seemingly is more attractive with every picture that shows up online. She apparently is losing some weight and working out. However, her new guy is not nearly as attractive as me, he is slightly more muscular, however his face has been described by some as “rabbit-like”, take that as you will.
But still, the fact that I am seeing him slowly falling into the hole that I left in her life so exactly is like watching the company you just got fired from training the next guy to take your spot. He is hanging with her and her friends like I used to do, he is doing everything on social media with her that I used to do and all that jazz. Even simply seeing an Instagram post from her sister of their brother playing the piano, something I used to do with him, sort of sent me over the edge.
Like, I know that she wasn’t that special, but every time I see something regarding her, I have this internal argument of whether I should still miss her or not, as if it should matter. I just need to stop worrying about her, whether she was a loss or not.
If you haven’t gotten the hint already, my ego has taken a beating.
So I have discovered that in a breakup, it’s not “getting over” your ex so much as repairing your ego that will get you back on track.
I have found that simply forgetting about the whole thing and focusing on the moment and my own life helps, however that of course won’t last for long. It lasts a day or two at most.
Now that I want her back its all too late.